I'm sorry my penis didn't work
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
