I accidentally had phone sex last night
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
