Small penises have feelings too.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
