She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
