my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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