What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
