I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
