Im at strip club and am horny
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
