there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
