I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
