I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
