I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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