Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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