Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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