Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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