i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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