This girl is more easily done than said...
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just cut my nipple shaving
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
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The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
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He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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