you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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