Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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