It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
