take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My liver just had a heart attack.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
