Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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