my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Boobs are out for the taking
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
