i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
