She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
