can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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