she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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