It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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