i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
