I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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