I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
