Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is Oprah even human
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
