Sober January is a disaster.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
