dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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