After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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