I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
did i walk over a car last night?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Help. Why am I so naked?
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