Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He did a backflip because drugs
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
