I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize
