Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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