his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
