my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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