Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
