I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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