Cold hands, warm shart.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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