he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
