Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
At least life still wants to fuck me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize