I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
