I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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