Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
