Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
