My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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