Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
