Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
