i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
