he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
