I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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