Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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