I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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