I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
