based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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