I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
