sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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