its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
