I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
