He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize