I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
