I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
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I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
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my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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