i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
