Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
