I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
