this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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