I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
