Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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