I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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