can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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