Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Randomize
