She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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