the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
