1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
