Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My breath smells like gin and sadness
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
