We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize