Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
