Where did you get a picture of my penis
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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