i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He has the fingertips of a God
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