I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
