Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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