What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm determined to sit on that face.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize