I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
